Things have been going pretty good recently and I’ve been feeling as positive as I ever have about the direction my life is going. I suffer from low self esteem, poor self image, general dissatisfaction with myself blah blah blah… No different to your typical 28 year old haha, Though I’m sure I tend to be much harder on myself than a lot of people seem to be. But as I said, recently I’ve surprised myself with how positive I’ve been feeling lately; perhaps due to a medication I’ve recently started taking, or maybe just because the weathers been improving gradually. My confidence/self esteem etc isn’t awful at the moment, works been going really good and I’ve been feeling quite creative and productive on my days off!
What’s even more surprising is I’ve been feeling much more positive about my AB/DL side. I’ve been dipping up fairly regularly and I think this has had a positive impact too. Even on some days when I haven’t really felt like wearing a nappy I’ve still done it just to try and embrace the positive frame of mind I’ve been in where I feel no shame or urge to avoid/neglect my true self.
Now that spring is approaching, I’ve been starting to make a mental list of the things I want to do when when the weather improves and I’m feeling pretty excited about the rest of the year. I honestly feel like I’ve turned a bit of a bit of a corner on my path to self acceptance.
So this brings me to the title of this post. Yes, its true, I’ve been contemplating telling my friend about my AB/DL side. I have been thinking long and hard about this and I haven’t just woke up feeling good and impulsively decided to scream it from the hills.
While contemplating this I quizzed myself on the following questions…
Why do I want to achieve by doing this? Is there some specific benefit want to get out of telling my friend a secret like this?
The reason I want to tell my friend is because I feel that this will give me the alleviation that I need to help me move forward on my journey towards self acceptance. This something I have been living with for as long as I can remember and it’s been hard at times. I’ve felt ashamed, embarrassed, repressed, it’s hurt relationships and has added fuel to my co-existing depression. But I feel that now I’m reaching a point in my life where I no longer hate myself as much and feel much less shame about it, so I’m feel confident enough to confide in a friend that I truly trust. I hope this will strengthen my self confidence/esteem and enhance a friendship that I truly value. If nothing else, I’m sure it’ll ease a bit of that “only those weirdos on TV documentaries are adult babies” stigma that most people feel haha 😉
I’m sure many AB/DLs would agree with me when I say that one of the hardest things about being AB/DL is having to keep this secret inside and ensure that that nobody ever comes close to knowing it. It’s very hard living with a secret full stop, but one as “socially abnormal” as this tends to add that bit more weight to your shoulders. I feel that by telling somebody I trust and who I know will think nothing much of it will be a release and that weight on my shoulders may not feel so heavy. As AB/DLs, we crave the acceptance of others and fear rejection. Yet we cannot open up about this because of the social ramifications. I want to confide in somebody who I know will accept me as a friend despite my eccentricities. It’s what I need to move a step forward and feel more at peace with myself.
Is this the right person to be telling? Do I trust this person? and I mean *really trust this person* to the point where if the friendship ended, you’d still trust them to keep your secret.
Absolutely. I’ve always thought to myself “If I was gonna tell somebody, who would it be?” and this turned out to be a pretty easy question. I have plenty of friends, but I only have a handful of close friends, some of these people have been my friend since I was a small child and I know that I’ll value these friendships until I die. The amount of admiration and respect I have for these people is off the scale and I’m sure they feel the same way about me. Having said that, I still wouldn’t feel entirely comfortable with telling some of them this and it’s important to be cautious of what their reaction would be. Some people would say “If they don’t accept this then they are not your true friend”, but I don’t necessarily believe that. I believe that just because people are best friends, doesn’t mean they have the same opinions/outlook/frame of mind as you. Something like this is a really big thing that could change the way they see you for the worse, especially if you’ve known each other for decades. So there’s a friend in particular who shares everything with me, has my “Whatever floats your boat” attitude and always trusts me with their problems no matter how embarrassing and has never even needed to utter the words “Promise you wont tell anybody?”.
What about the friend though? perhaps they don’t wanna hear this kind of personal business, is it unfair to put them in this position?
It’s absolutely important to take into account that not only it this hard for me, but it could be hard for them too! But my friend is very open minded and actually enjoys conversations about taboo subjects, In fact it’s usually “The stranger the better”. To reiterate, this is a person who often confides in me in relating to her own personal relationships/sexual issues because they know that I’m somebody who will understand and not judge. This person doesn’t tend to get uncomfortable, if anything they may giggle, but I’m sure it’ll be followed with a “Wow!”
With regards to it being unfair to put somebody in this position: This is not like wanting to tell a friend that you have a scat fetish or telling them some random intimate details of your sex life. I’m not doing this simply for the reason of being an exhibitionist.
E.G I get turned on by the idea of cross dressing, but I don’t identify with being a woman, nor does it bear real significance on my life, so I’m probably not gonna go out of my way to tell my friends about it. Being an adult baby and having a little side is not a fetish like age-play or diapers may be for some; my little side is a huge aspect of my personality and makes up who I am. Yes it’s important for me to ask “Is this absolutely necessary?”, and though it’s not may not be imperative they know this about it, I feel that it’s in more ways a positive move than a negative one. It may be become awkward but to counter that, it’s also expressing a much higher level of trust that I don’t have for other friends.
What could the risks/ramifications be?
Hopefully not that bad though. I’ve tried to think of negative outcomes and though it shouldn’t be difficult to think of -oh I don’t know- A MILLION, I’m struggling to think past the obvious, but here are a couple.
- They tell me they think it’s a weird thing to talk about and just want to change the subject. This would be difficult because it gives no real scope to clarify/explain anything and it would just leave them with the image/opnions they already have of AB/DLS, which could be negative!
- They really just don’t understand and I end up just regretting the decision to tell them.
- They seem visibly uncomfortable and I realise it was a very bad idea… *gulp*
- They laugh at the whole idea and ridicule me (I assume this is most AB/DLs worst nightmare)
- They get angry at me for being this way/tell me its disgusting/weird/etc etc (It’s a possibility right??)
- They say they think its sick and perverted and try to link it to paedophilia (Ok I’m being a bit overly dramatic here)
I’ve weighed up most risks that I can think of and have came to the conclusion that they are just completely unlikely judging on who my friend is as a person.
I feel the main risk (and most likely to occur) is what I discussed in the previous question. However unlikely I think it may be, I am potentially putting my friend in an awkward and uncomfortable situation which they might find difficult to listen to. The idea of doing this isn’t exactly a pleasant thought and it doesn’t sound totally fair of me to put a friend in that position. However, I’m keeping in mind that my friend is a very open-minded, taboo friendly, and all around accepting person. I also happen to know that my friends typical reaction to feeling uncomfortable is just to giggle. Anyway, this is never *not* going to be awkward for at least one of us, luckily we have that ‘make fun of each other’ type friendship so don’t take things too seriously. I also feel that the fact that I am opening to my friend about a really vulnerable aspect of me, and placing a huge amount of trust in that person that they will see this an appreciate the level of honesty.
Am I prepared to accept any negativity that I might be faced with?
I’m 97% confident that I wont receive much of a negative reaction. I’m not confiding in this person to be an exhibitionist about my interests. I’m telling them because I know my friend will accept this and release some of the burden on my shoulders. Having said that, they will probably laugh and want to ask questions, which I’m fine with…. I think.
Bottom line. Telling somebody else you are an AB/DL is a huge hurdle for most (usually its no-no) but if I’m ever gonna do it, then now is the time and this is the person to tell. I just think that it was important to ask myself these questions and be as honests as I could be about the answers. I’d suggest doing the same to anybody who is contemplating telling a friend they are AB/DL. Don’t rush into a decision like this because you could regret it for a loooong time. Who knows? Maybe I might..
Thanks for reading,
little peter rabbit x
My hypothetical playlist for telling my friend (No I’m not gonna actually play this, it’s just for fun)
Queen – I want to break free
ABBA – Does your mother know?
The Ronettes – Be My Baby
Sonny and Cher – It’s the little things
QOTSA – The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret