My recent post “3 years down the line” got an in depth response in the comments section which I feel, in the spirit of this blog, deserves it’s own post and shouldn’t be hidden away in the comments section. I do sincerely appreciate the thought and effort which goes into responses like this.
“Okay… I think I may have some hard truth to drop on you. You seem to want your girlfriend to have an interest in ABDL completely on her own, apart from her love for you. That’s not realistic unless you find someone straight from the ABDL community. And if you do, that person is likely going to be focused in her own enjoyment of the fetish, not you and your desires.
In my reading of blogs, browsing of reddit, and other research I have never EVER come across someone who wanted to be a parent to a grown adult as a deep, dark desire. There are people who are maternal and feel okay with doing that. There are people who love their partner so much that they enjoy caring for them. There are people who specialize in being a mommy to get paid. There are people who were already into ABDL who like swapping parent/child roles with their partner. There are Daddy doms and women with a fetish to be in control, dominate, or otherwise be in charge sexually. But I have never come across someone who fantasized solely about being a mommy to an ABDL as a deep sexual and/or spiritual gratification. Maybe that person exists, but the odds of you finding her are astronomically low.
You say that you don’t want your girlfriend to be doing this to please you because she wants to be a good girlfriend. That is maddening! I almost want to tell you to fuck right off (excuse my language, but it really does make me angry). She loves you. She wants to make you happy. Fuck you for making her feel, even for an instant, like there’s something wrong with that. If you are going to act like she’s somehow inferior to the ideal you have in your head because her panties aren’t dripping wet to get you dressed up like a baby and change your diaper as her #1 desire in life, you should stop for a reality check.
I love my husband. That’s the only reason I even know what ABDL is. I tried things and explored them with him because it made him happy. I got pleasure out of pleasing him, more than anything else. I followed his lead, and wouldn’t have done any of what we’ve done if it hadn’t been for him. And I don’t see that as a bad thing at all. I may not have been born with ABDL desires, but I don’t think that makes me “less than.”
I like what we do, but I don’t think it would be possible for me to get an “equal” amount of enjoyment or like things exactly as much as him, no matter how much I enjoy what we do, because this was never my fetish. I didn’t grow up struggling with it. I didn’t know when I was 5 that I would want to wear diapers. I didn’t have fantasies about doing any of the things that we do. If my husband made me feel bad because of that, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy things the way that I do. I would be constantly worrying that I’m not ABDL “enough” or that I’m not what he wants because I “only” do this because I met him and fell in love.
You also say that you expect her to know what to say, how to act, what to wear, when to know how you feel, etc. Frankly, that is impossible and exhausting to even think about. If you want her to say something specific or wear something special, you need to communicate that. If you are feeling something, you need to speak up. I don’t care who you find, no one will be able to read your mind!
As far as breaks and periods without kink (or ABDL activities or whatever you want to call it), that is natural. You know that desire ebbs and wanes, even for you. Your urges are not exactly the same at all times. It is your fetish. You need to be driving the boat here. When my husband and I go through long stretches without indulging in kinky sex, I follow his lead. It’s not something I want to push, even when I miss those interactions, because being little takes a certain head space. I wait for cues from him, and I’m sure your girlfriend does the same.
You’re also really vague here about what “progress” you’re looking for. What does that mean to you? Specifically. Does she know? Do you? Is it realistic (i.e. doesn’t require mind reading, would actually be possible with your schedule, finances, lifestyle, etc.)? Have you communicated what you want and how you envision it working into your lives? You may be a little, but that doesn’t mean you don’t also have responsibilities as an adult in your relationship to communicate properly. If anything, it means you have more responsibility because this all resides in your head.
I know this might have been rough, so I apologize. You’ve read enough of my blog (I think) that you hopefully know it comes from a good place.”
My usual reaction would be to either A) defend/justify myself where appropriate B) Correct a couple of misinterpretations. C) Give some better/clearer context on some things which I talked about in the post. But I don’t think that would really be beneficial other than to make myself feel better and take some of the sting away from that grilling! It made sense to post the response here so more people can read it.
(However I will quickly state that my post wasn’t supposed to imply a focus on sex/kink etc. I may need to clarify that on the post itself! Not that it’s important right now)
Little peter x