As an adult I’ve always loved Goofy toys. Whether its a Goofy teddy, hat, Pes dispenser or whatever.. I just really love Goofy toys. I like other stupid stuff too, such as Classic Disney toys… Statues from films.. all sorts of crap. I don’t really buy much these days and a lot of my old toys have been thrown out over the years (including much of my goofy related stuff), but I’m still into it! I’ve never really bothered to try and understand my fascination with inanimate objects, especially when most of my friends own very few things. I’m just a hoarder and that’s pretty much all there is too it! It’s how I can express myself..
When we’re children we constantly find ways to express ourselves, either through colouring, building things with blocks, SCREAMING, being naughty, hugging a teddy bear etc… We may not realise that we’re expressing ourselves; we’re just going with the moment and finding ways to entertain ourselves. We’re building a personality, learning about what we like, what we hate. Learning about who we are. I think as we grow older we find it harder and harder to do this.
Sure we can all see importance of expression and find new/unique methods of expression, I’m not saying we forget how to express ourselves totally, but I just think we find it slightly harder..maybe we get more distracted by the ‘bigger’ things.
When I was young and first learned about being an AB/DL, I mainly looked at it from a superficial approach.. I didn’t so much see it as a chance to relive the times I missed out on a child. I saw it almost exclusively as an attraction to objects, which is fine! (Maybe I was just exploring my DL side). I loved the look of childish clothes because they just looked cute/cool, I loved the warm feel of a nappy between my legs (just because), the thought of being fed in a high chair or being changed on a changing table etc etc. My ‘little’ fantasy was surrounded by objects as I’m sure it is for the majority of AB/DL’s. It’s funny to think how various objects can make us feel a certain way or help us relive a softer and more secure time.
In my late teens and early 20’s I experimented with my AB/DL side quite a bit.. Wearing/wetting nappies, sucking on my pacifier, drinking from a bottle etc. I also experimented with it sexually and could always get quite turned on by having to waddle with a thick, warm nappy between my legs.
However, there’s always been an aspect of being little which I’ve sort of overlooked, an aspect which is below the surface of what’s normally associated with adult babies. This is that being little is a time I can express myself in more ways than just wearing nice clothes and be taken care of. Ways like playing with toys, colouring, talking with my teddy bear (Hey Wilbur!) etc.
Throughout the majority of my life as an AB/DL, I’ve never really bothered to learn much about my ‘identity’ as a little, I’ve just wanted to be dressed like a baby and looked after to satisfy adult urges. It’s true that by experiencing the latter, I satisfy a deep need to be safe, secure and loved unconditionally, which is awesome and keeps me relatively sane. It’s what I need. But by going that bit further and exploring my little ‘identity’ I’m also able to learn about who that little boy inside me actually *is*.
Now I’ve got a mummy who takes care of me (which is truly amazing) I’ve become much more interested in finding out my interests, hobbies and general personality as a little which has helped me think about ways to express myself. The adult me loves goofy and all the aforementioned stuff, but what does little peter rabbit like? Surely not just cute clothes.. What kind of kid only loves clothes? Clothes are boring, toys are awesome!
Take drawing for instance: My big side has always had an interest in drawing and painting. When I struggled badly with anxiety I used to draw constantly to take my mind off it. I’d spend all night doing huge drawings because I felt it was the only way I could express myself. It’s only been recently that I’ve bought colouring books and drew as a 2.5 year old. I have to say it felt great and really therapeutic. I got lost!
I’m looking forward to buying some more toys, spending more time playing, and learning about who Little Peter Rabbit is. Regression truly is a diverse thing with many possibilities to explore!
Thanks for reading,
Stay true to yourself.
Bye-bye from me + goof!