Once again, I apologise for the delay with writing a new post. To cut a long story short; the reason for my prolonged absence on WordPress is largely due to the fact that Mummy and I have had quite a lot of stress in our jobs recently, which has also caused me to also have a bit of writers block! Basically we’ve just had other things going on!
A lot of changes have taken place over the past few months and it’s temporarily turned our world upside down (sort of, but not totally). I have taken on a new job and began on a brand spanking new career path (yay me!). But although it’s been quite exciting, it’s a completely different sector to what I’ve always been used to, and with rotating shift patterns on top of that, it’s been quite exhausting and we’re not seeing as much of each other :(((
Further to this, Mummy has also been under a lot of stress recently due to the fact that she is extremely overworked and is spending a lot of her free time doing overtime at work. Mummy is the hardest working and most dedicated person I know, but she certainly puts too much pressure on herself. Social plans have been cancelled, tears have been shed and serious conversations have been had. But we’re getting through it together and it won’t last forever, so we just have to grim and bear for the time being until we find our way out of it!
So needless to say our lives are both very hectic at the moment and when we do get a chance to spend an evening together, I prefer not to put any added weight on Mummies shoulders (i.e. the weight of a wet nappy) and honestly I think she’d rather spend the evening with the older version of me. Luckily the lack of time we’ve spent with each other (either adult-adult or adult-little) hasn’t really affected our relationship.
But I’ve noticed something…
I have not felt an overwhelming need/desire to be little recently.
This is very unusual for me. Often when my Little (Peter Rabbit) doesn’t get the attention he wants/needs for a prolonged period of time, the kettle whistles and he eventually tries to come out full force, and if that doesn’t work he throws a tantrum/sulks which comes out via my adult personality. In other words, I can get frustrated/upset/angry with everything and me and my girlfriend would have some sort of lovers tiff about nothing. This could obviously have a negative affect on our adult relationship (and subsequently our adult-little relationship)*.
This time however, that hasn’t been the case. I’ve noticed how stressed out Mummy has become and I think my little has chosen to respect that by keeping out of the way so as to not complicate things further. I think he may have matured emotionally**
When I try to make sense of it I come up with this explanation: Before Little Peter Rabbit had a Mummy who loved and cared for him, he was essentially free to act up whenever he didn’t get his own way and there were no rules because nobody really cared for him and nor did I yet accept him as being a big part of me. Now however, he’s got somebody who keeps him in line (Mummy) and he’s accepted by his Big (me). Its as though he now understands that he won’t be forgotten about so he doesn’t have to scream and shout for attention – Mummy isn’t going to leave him (she just has other things to worry about at the moment), I’m not going to reject him (I just have to think about my girlfriends needs).
I think this is a pretty big realisation for me. It’s proven that being an AB/DL isn’t something that has to dominate my life so long as I can accept it. Now I’ve accepted my little and have allowed him the love that he needs and deserves, he respects my space when I need the space to deal with adult things. ***UPDATE*** This isn’t to say that tantrums are a thing of the past. I know there will probably still be times when my little demands attention and acts up. But I’ll come to that when it happens haha.
I have definitely missed the little time Mummy & me have together. We spoke about it recently and she expressed that she missed parts of it too (which was nice to hear). We’re still having our moments, for example tonight when I got home from work and was inwardly stressed, she held me in her arms, stroked my hair and said “shhhh, its OK darling, Mummy is here” which was really lovely. Mummy has become so much better at seeing when my little needs a little bit of affection and it only takes something small to show she cares. There have been many other small little encounters like that which act as a constant reminder that Mummy is always going to be there, as is peter rabbit, no matter what changes occur in our lives. This is a pretty great feeling and I think this is what keeps the frustration at bay.
*Does this sound familiar to other ABs? Would love to hear about your tantrums
**Probably to other mummies/daddies/DLs, this sentence may read like seem like being an AB is like having a multiple personality. Well, psychologically speaking thats inaccurate, but emotionally speaking, its kind of true.
In other news:
I have purchased two new types of nappy/diaper recently. Firstly is the Rearz Spoiled by ABU which I LOVE!
It’s thick, soft, comfortable, cute, and most importantly, it makes me feel very secure. I posted a picture of me wearing one in my last post which you can see here. If you haven’t tried already then I definitely suggest it 😀
Secondly, I’ve purchased a case of the new ABU space diaper which hasn’t arrived yet but I can barely contain my excitement 🙂
Until then, thanks for reading.
Peter Rabbit x