How much is too much?

Hideho!

Work has been busy lately (as I’ve already moaned about in a previous post) and the time I’ve had off has been spent at home either cleaning up and preparing tea for Mummy coming home, or laying on the sofa thinking about pizza.

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This means I’ve had a bit of extra dosh on my hands, so I’ve treated myself to a lot of nice things recently. Such as some ABU space diapers, an awesome onesie from “Snaps4u” and a few other bits (including some grown-up toys and christmas presents). But I’ve been overly aware of how many things I’ve bought for my Little recently, almost to the point where I was feeling slightly insecure about what my girlfriend might think of me buying all this “Baby Stuff”. The amount of nappies has almost tripled from what I’d normally have, my Little’s wardrobe is starting to grow, and my desire for more toys and teddies is only getting bigger.

I do have interests in things other than AB/DL which I spend money on (obviously) such as music, drawing, gigs etc. I collect albums and tend to spend a fair bit of money on vinyl records. I also treat myself to musical equipment from time to time, and generally buy something random that I decide I want. Sometimes I also worry about what she thinks of my general attitude towards my money/spending.

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I’m pretty frivolous with money when I’m feeling frisky and I’d say that out of everything I spend money on, my record collection and my Little things are the two luxuries that currently get the most attention from my wallet… I’ve always spent lots of money on records. In past relationships I’ve gotten shouted at and moaned at for wasting my money on ‘crap’ to the point where I’ve even felt a bit ashamed as I walked through the door with a square shaped bag containing over £100s worth of vinyl. I remember one time I even jogged home from town so I’d beat my ex home from work so I could slot some records onto the shelf which I’d bought on my lunch hour (Talk to any record collector and I bet they’ll have a similar story). I think past experiences like that have rubbed off on me a bit which has made insecure about spending. Please don’t get me wrong though, Mummy is not like that in any way, she even finds my interest in things quite cool and always tells me “treat yourself, you deserve it!”. She’s a record collectors dream girlfriend…

But sometimes I find myself questioning what she thinks when I tell her I’ve spent another £40 on an item of AB/DL clothing, or purchased yet another case of expensive nappies. I always wonder if she fears I’m starting to go overboard or let my interests ‘take over’ my wallet (and the space in our bedroom). I know this probably isn’t the case, we’ve talked about it before and she’s always honest about how she feels. But sometimes my insecurities get the better of me. Its like I want to say “No, what do you REALLY think of all of this? And don’t hold back” and I expect her to reply with “Ok, honestly, I think its weird, you spend too much money on it and I worry that one day you’ll turn the house into one big nursery”. I know that may sound a little insane, I mean who actually craves rejection?

But the thing is I suppose it’s not really anything to do with the fact that it’s all “AB/DL” related stuff, the same goes for my records… Somedays when I spend £40 on records, I fear she’ll say “There’s nowhere to put all of your records and I worry you’re gonna turn the house into a big record shop someday”

I think an honest reason that I get so insecure is because I feel that there may be an element of truth to the notion that I might…kinda… sorta… spend slightly more than an average amount of money on stuff.

BUT…

I just…can’t…help it!!!

Every record collector or music fanatic gets that awesome feeling when they get home with a new album, slide it out if the sleeve and be the first person to drop the needle onto the vinyl. They then spend the next 45 minutes or so chilling out to something they love, something they’ve never heard before or just something that has an awesome cover. This is just the same as an AB/DL who loves that feeling of waking up knowing that today is the day that the postman is going to deliver a big package, and in that package is a case of Abena M4 nappies, or maybe a new sleeper or NUK pacifier. Whatever it is, they’ll going to spend the next few hours feeling completely safe, secure and happy. So when I think of it like this then whats money compared to feeling so good?

Mummy is very good with money, whereas I’m very frivolous. I can be an idiot with money…and I mean a total bonehead. I remember the days when I got paid weekly. I’d get paid Friday and it would be gone by the following Monday… and come rent day I’d be all “erm…. oh jeez”. Hey, I just like treating myself OK?!

I’m much better now though, thanks to being in a committed relationship. We’ve started saving for our future together (which is what I feel I’m most financially committed to), I actually go food shopping now (instead of living on pizza, beer and gherkins straight from the jar like the bachelor I once was*), and I always have money in the bank “just incase”. But having said that, I sometimes can’t help but get that insecure feeling when I see how much money goes on records, nappies & onesies.

I worry that my girlfriend may eventually start to think that my interests are taking over and becoming unhealthy. After all, record collections don’t tend to get smaller, they get bigger, not unlike a lego collection.

So when does it get to the point where it becomes a too much?, or a cause for concern?

When it affects you financially? When it prevents you functioning in the adult world? Sure, but..

I’ve met people whose record collections fill an entire room.

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Whereas I’ve also seen photos of rooms converted into nurseries.

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and I’ve no doubt that these are both examples of financially stable people who live normal healthy lives (how else would they afford it?). But would you say these images are too much? I personally think that too much would only be when it starts to bother somebody else (E.G a girlfriend or boyfriend). I’ve never thought to ask my girlfriend what would be too much for her though.. probably ’cause we haven’t got to that point yet. But I’d be interested to know..

I must admit that I’d absolutely love to have a nursery like the one above though. It would be a dream come true! but I’m dating somebody who may not necessarily want that in the house (who could blame her?), and I wouldn’t want my personal desires to get in the way of our desires as a couple. After all, it’s *our* house, not *my* house. I already have a lot of random nicknacks which I’ve accumulated over the years which I can’t bare to part with, and sometimes I think Mummy would like me to have a serious clean out of all my random junk**. I guess I’d be cool with that, after all I probably do possess a lot of stuff which I don’t really need.. But I’d hate to think that one say she might say “Don’t you think you have too many baby things?” or “Don’t you think your record collection is complete?”. Who knows if that day will come. If it does it’ll probably be a fair bit off as I really don’t possess that much baby stuff and only a few shelves of records…. Just thinking out loud really..

So if you’re an AB/DL or a partner/parent/etc of one, what would be too much for you? Whats your opinion on the matter?

*Not entirely true, I still do that when Mummy is away..

**Don’t forget this is my own blog where I express my personal feelings & opinions etc, not my girlfriends. I try to keep things broad to other people find it easier to relate to..

Bye for now! x


Here’s a list of appropriate songs I listened to for inspiration while writing this post:

Paul Simon – Still Crazy After All These Years

ABBA – Money Money Money

The Beach Boys – When I Grow Up (to be a man)

The Beach Boys – In My Room

Barrett Strong – Money (Thats what I want)

Notorious B.I.G – Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems

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Sex & Diapers

AfternooOOoon…

In my last post I wrote about the fact that that we haven’t had much little time recently. That’s not to say that things have been stale in other departments, including sexually. Our sex life definitely hasn’t been damaged after all of the changes and stresses that are currently taking place, which we’re both pretty thankful for. Quite the contrary, it’s actually taken an intriguing turn which is what I want to write about today. But first a little back story…

Disclaimer: If you’re somebody who doesn’t experience any sort of fulfilment or sexual gratification from AB/DL themes, then this is probably going to sound a little… unusual.

I’ve always fantasised about the idea of being forced back into nappies by a strong woman and being blackmailed into acting like a baby at the risk of being publicly “outed”. As a teenager I would dream of my girlfriend tricking me into wearing a diapers “for fun” and then taking photos of me and threatening to show them to everybody unless I succumb to her desires of seeing me dress & act like her baby boy. I’d beg, plead and offer to do anything else, but no bargain would be good enough and I’d be totally forced back into babyhood. The toilet was out of bounds, I’d only be allowed to speak in baby talk, eat baby food from a highchair and do everything I’m told or else she wouldn’t be afraid to take me into town and change my wet nappy in public.

The things that people fantasise about eh?

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(both images found online)

After looking online, this doesn’t sound like such an extreme scenario compared to some of the things I’ve seen/read… But still, weirdly enough I don’t think my current girlfriend shares these fantasies (would you believe it?!), and to be fair, who could blame her? It’s true that some people are lucky enough to find a partner whose sexual tastes match their own 100% and everything is perfect and sex is amazing all of the time. But I believe a large percent of relationships require more work and compromise in order to reach a point where both parties are completely content with all aspects of the relationship… After all, what’s so fun about a relationship where everything is perfect and no changes are needed? (no pun intended). Also, how often is it that two people meet randomly and both happen to fantasise about one forcing the other into diapers? I think that’s pretty rare. Good on you if you’re in that situation though 😉 haha!

I’ve always found it difficult to have fantasies like these and be in a relationship. Yeah, it’s easy enough to say “you shouldn’t be ashamed”, “be proud of who you are” and “there’s always something weirder out there”. Some people find it easy to be open and proud, but many of us are ashamed of the things we like and don’t find it so easy to be that open with a partner. It’s hard accepting it, but can be even harder keeping these fantasies to ourselves. To be perfectly honest – I’m dreading my girlfriend even reading this post. I know she doesn’t care, But I kind of do. Sometimes I like to think it’s just something that a quick private orgasm will fix so I can then go back to forgetting about it. But I suppose that’s just my own way of “sweeping it under the carpet”.


I remember a few months after having told my girlfriend about my little side, during a conversation about sex, I told her that I wasn’t only into age-play in a non sexual way but could also be quite turned on by it too. The conversation wasn’t a very deep one, we tend to talk about sex fairly regularly and I think I’d just casually mentioned it without any hopes or desire that her response would be “What a coincidence! I’m so into that!”, “Thats so sexy” or “Lets get those big boy clothes off and get you over my knee so I can teach you a lesson”….Ok, there may have been a glimmer of hope that she’d say that last one. Needless to say there was no follow up questions and no talks of trying it out. To be honest this didn’t really bother me because at that time we were still in the early stages of something much bigger (Again, no pun intended) which was our Adult/Little relationship. We were both still trying to make sense of it all, so I’d imagine that trying to incorporate elements of it into sex would have only complicated things further.

Anyway, I don’t know exactly what she thought of this, but even though she’s a very open minded person I could tell she wasn’t so interested in the idea. Perhaps because the concept of nappies/diapers, baby talk, punishment etc seems quite “wrong” to an outsider and perhaps even a bit perverted?. Or maybe because the AB/DL world is pretty “unknown” to her if you take me out of the equation… Aside from me telling her about myself, I don’t think she’s ever had an active interest in going out and googling the phrases AB/DL, Age-Play or even Paraphilic Infantilism haha. And without a specific reason to do so, who would?

In my opinion, I tried to think about it more reasonably and realistically which was quite simply that it probably didn’t turn her on sexually. So if I wasn’t desperate to push the idea, then why would/should she?… I mean just because it turns me on, doesn’t mean she’s obliged to get hot & bothered at the thought dressing and treating me as a big baby, right?

So anyway, since coming out to her, we’ve focused mainly on the non sexual side, because that’s the most important thing to me/us, its a huge part of who I am and I believe that my life would have turned out very differently had I not been into this. So it only seems right and fair that we took things one step at a time so it didn’t get too overwhelming. I unconsciously made the decision that my sexual interests relating to age-play would come second over dealing with incorporating a parent/child dynamic into our adult/adult relationship. Satisfying us both sexually has always been at the top of the agenda too though.. Obviously I believe that good sex is a very important thing to try and achieve in a relationship and its crucial that both partners are satisfied. However, we’ve been through a lot over the last 18 months and looking back, I didn’t want ABDL stuff to dominate all parts of the relationship at once. I still really loved our sex life the way it was and didn’t want to risk that.

Having said all this, at times we have experimented with age-play in a sexual realm. We gradually starting incorporating spankings and punishments into sex play. We’ve tried switching where she would be a naughty girl who needs to be treated as such. She owns things like pink frilly knickers and school dresses etc which we love using from time to time.

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(A similar dress to the one that she owns)

A typical role-play would involve me punishing her for acting like a child, putting her over my knee and making her count the spanks until her bottom is red raw! But one time during sex I instructed her to call me “Daddy” and thats when it got a little bit too real for her. She found this a bit awkward and probably rather incestuous, which as a lot of Littles/Subs/Etc know isn’t really the case (Check out this relevant post by Leakey Diaper Slut, also check out the rest of her super blog!). There were other relevant factors which contributed to her not wanting to call me “Daddy” at the time which I was unaware of, but never the less I tried to refrain from making sex seem too ‘incestuous’ after that.

Recently however, I’ve been quite surprised (and incredibly turned on) by the fact that my girlfriend has been using more and more “baby talk” for want of a better phrase. Its been unprovoked by myself that she’s started using phrases like “There’s a good boy”, “You’re making Mummy very happy” and “You’ve been such a good baby boy”. Even the tone of her voice has been very Mummy like! I’ve been punished for being naughty, praised for being a good and I find myself getting more and more turned on the more often it happens!

This makes me think of the phrase “Good things come to those who wait”. I’m definitely not saying that if you want something to improve then you should just keep quiet and wait for it to happen. Relationships are always kept strong by being open, honest and communicative. I’m also not saying that people can read your mind. I’m just saying that this seemed to work in my favour because I was patient and didn’t try to push everything at once. By being honest and sensitive towards my partners feelings as well as my own, she eventually just gravitated towards experimenting with the sexual side of our adult/little relationship. If I’m sounding manipulative here then I sincerely don’t mean to do so, I just mean that we’ve both been quite lucky that we’ve managed to meet each other at a happy medium which may even progress in the future..

I’ve spoken to my girlfriend about this and she says that her new interest in the “Baby talk” is something that’s just happened naturally and has become a bit of a turn on for her. It was nice to hear this and it just goes to show that things can change, develop and surprise. It’s extra nice because I don’t feel that she’s doing something she’s really not into for the sake of satisfying me. I don’t like that idea..

I think its a common thing in us adult babies to want to have everything at once (just like a child would funnily enough) which ends up making us quite selfish when it comes to our needs. When I first realised that my partner was willing to accept this part of me and be prepared to experiment, I wanted to rush it all and experience everything I’d always fantasised about as soon as possible. I was so happy that somebody was finally going to accept me, that I lost sight of how difficult it was going to be for my partner. Therefore, I ran the risk of putting too much on her shoulders. Rushing things definitely isn’t the way and I feel it will only hinder things in the long run.

Who knows, maybe in the future we’ll introduce diapers into the bedroom. I can dream can’t I?

Tantrums & the benefits of accepting my little

Hello Strangers,

Once again, I apologise for the delay with writing a new post. To cut a long story short; the reason for my prolonged absence on WordPress is largely due to the fact that Mummy and I have had quite a lot of stress in our jobs recently, which has also caused me to also have a bit of writers block! Basically we’ve just had other things going on!

A lot of changes have taken place over the past few months and it’s temporarily turned our world upside down (sort of, but not totally). I have taken on a new job and began on a brand spanking new career path (yay me!). But although it’s been quite exciting, it’s a completely different sector to what I’ve always been used to, and with rotating shift patterns on top of that, it’s been quite exhausting and we’re not seeing as much of each other :(((

Further to this, Mummy has also been under a lot of stress recently due to the fact that she is extremely overworked and is spending a lot of her free time doing overtime at work. Mummy is the hardest working and most dedicated person I know, but she certainly puts too much pressure on herself.  Social plans have been cancelled, tears have been shed and serious conversations have been had. But we’re getting through it together and it won’t last forever, so we just have to grim and bear for the time being until we find our way out of it!

So needless to say our lives are both very hectic at the moment and when we do get a chance to spend an evening together, I prefer not to put any added weight on Mummies shoulders (i.e. the weight of a wet nappy) and honestly I think she’d rather spend the evening with the older version of me. Luckily the lack of time we’ve spent with each other (either adult-adult or adult-little) hasn’t really affected our relationship.

But I’ve noticed something…

I have not felt an overwhelming need/desire to be little recently.

This is very unusual for me. Often when my Little (Peter Rabbit) doesn’t get the attention he wants/needs for a prolonged period of time, the kettle whistles and he eventually tries to come out full force, and if that doesn’t work he throws a tantrum/sulks which comes out via my adult personality. In other words, I can get frustrated/upset/angry with everything and me and my girlfriend would have some sort of lovers tiff about nothing. This could obviously have a negative affect on our adult relationship (and subsequently our adult-little relationship)*.

This time however, that hasn’t been the case. I’ve noticed how stressed out Mummy has become and I think my little has chosen to respect that by keeping out of the way so as to not complicate things further. I think he may have matured emotionally**

When I try to make sense of it I come up with this explanation: Before Little Peter Rabbit had a Mummy who loved and cared for him, he was essentially free to act up whenever he didn’t get his own way and there were no rules because nobody really cared for him and nor did I yet accept him as being a big part of me. Now however, he’s got somebody who keeps him in line (Mummy) and he’s accepted by his Big (me). Its as though he now understands that he won’t be forgotten about so he doesn’t have to scream and shout for attention – Mummy isn’t going to leave him (she just has other things to worry about at the moment), I’m not going to reject him (I just have to think about my girlfriends needs).

I think this is a pretty big realisation for me. It’s proven that being an AB/DL isn’t something that has to dominate my life so long as I can accept it. Now I’ve accepted my little and have allowed him the love that he needs and deserves, he respects my space when I need the space to deal with adult things. ***UPDATE*** This isn’t to say that tantrums are a thing of the past. I know there will probably still be times when my little demands attention and acts up. But I’ll come to that when it happens haha.

I have definitely missed the little time Mummy & me have together. We spoke about it recently and she expressed that she missed parts of it too (which was nice to hear). We’re still having our moments, for example tonight when I got home from work and was inwardly stressed, she held me in her arms, stroked my hair and said “shhhh, its OK darling, Mummy is here” which was really lovely. Mummy has become so much better at seeing when my little needs a little bit of affection and it only takes something small to show she cares. There have been many other small little encounters like that which act as a constant reminder that Mummy is always going to be there, as is peter rabbit, no matter what changes occur in our lives. This is a pretty great feeling and I think this is what keeps the frustration at bay.

*Does this sound familiar to other ABs? Would love to hear about your tantrums

**Probably to other mummies/daddies/DLs, this sentence may read like seem like being an AB is like having a multiple personality. Well, psychologically speaking thats inaccurate, but emotionally speaking, its kind of true.

In other news:

I have purchased two new types of nappy/diaper recently. Firstly is the Rearz Spoiled by ABU which I LOVE!

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It’s thick, soft, comfortable, cute, and most importantly, it makes me feel very secure. I posted a picture of me wearing one in my last post which you can see here. If you haven’t tried already then I definitely suggest it 😀

Secondly, I’ve purchased a case of the new ABU space diaper which hasn’t arrived yet but I can barely contain my excitement 🙂 thumbnail.asp

Until then, thanks for reading.

Peter Rabbit x

This is what days off are for!

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I’ve had a well deserved few days off work and I’ve decided to spend my final day snuggled up in my favourite onesie from “the all-in-one company” and a fresh Rearz Spoiled (which, might I add, is my new favourite nappy). The only thing missing is mummy who has to spend the day at smelly work! She works too hard X

P.S
Apologies for my lack of posts recently, the reason for this is that Mummy and I have both been incredibly busy recently and just haven’t had much little time together. But I will be posting again soon for those of you who read! x