Friendship, Love and Limits.

This blog is cut into two parts because I started writing Part 1 and then lost it all (WordPress!!!!) I then started writing again but I’d forgotten everything I wrote so I condensed it and then wrote Part 2 instead… Just thought I’d throw that out there..

Part 1

We all have limits. It would be interesting to know if taking care of an Adult Baby was one of Mummy’s limits before we met. Giving how she reacted when I first told her, I’d say it never even entered her head… But on a whole, the “AB/DL” scene doesn’t seem to have ever bothered her. But I did come to learn about some specific limits/ground rules after our first few playdates (We often try to discuss things we like/dislike to better the experience for both of us).

Certain objects like bottles and dummies/pacifiers can freak people out, and for other people it may be something like speaking in baby talk that tests their limits. On the other hand, for some Little’s, the experience might not be fulfilling without a bottle a pacifier so its important to find a good balance.. Give and take is definitely healthy in a relationship and it’s important not to be selfish because it proves both person’s wants/needs are equally important.

A personal example: One of my girlfriend’s limits is if I were to wet. She certainly doesn’t like changing a wet nappy (diaper), so I don’t do it when we’re together. Yeah that sucks for me, and it would suck for most Littles I think. But this isn’t just about me, its about what works for us in our relationship. Maybe one day it’ll change, but for now I’m thankful for what we currently have. There are definitely things I’d enjoy which I’ve yet to mention to my Mummy because I think would test her limits. But it’s been crucial for us to take things slowly. Perhaps one day we’ll talk more about them..but if not, I’m sure wouldn’t kill me.


Part 2

I was talking to a friend the other day over drinks and the conversation got onto the topic of Sex. It was a pretty general conversation at first, but we moved onto the subject of “limits” and things we would/wouldn’t do with a partner.

She said her sexual limits were “Sh*t, P*ss and/or anything to do with Adult Babies”. I laughed because I love how blunt that sentence was. Given my recent history and experiences, I tried to challenge my friend by asking…

“Would you not indulge in any of those things for somebody even if you were in love with them?”

No. Never. It’s freaky sh*t, and the smell of faeces makes me want to vomitshe replied.

“Well, me too if I’m honest” I said “…but I don’t think that would stop me trying it if the person I loved was into it. I bet you would at least give it a go”

“No way! What about if they liked wearing nappies and acting like a baby?!”

(This conversation getting in to dangerous territory, I thought)

“Wouldn’t you do that if you were in love?” 

“No. I’d sooner break up with them than treat a fully grown man like a baby”

“I’m sure if you loved them you’d think differently” I said.

She asked me about mine but I wasn’t sure, I said I’d try anything once within reason but that it was probably something along the lines of cock & ball torture.. I went on to say that I would definitely try to push my limits if I knew it would satisfy my girlfriend (Between me and you, I’m very happy she’s not into cock & ball torture though)

We laughed it off and moved on.

Sure, the conversation was pretty light hearted and most of the comments I’m sure were throw away.. This sort of chat doesn’t represent a persons entire belief system. I know deep down my friend is an open minded and a generally accepting person (we were talking about sex after all and not about our every day attitude towards others)… But that got me thinking about how each of my friends would react if they knew about this side of me. I know that many people say “A true friends will accept and stick by you no matter what” which may be true to some extent.. but I have some friends who I believe just don’t have that side to their personality and wouldn’t want to know something like this about their friend. Yes I have friends who I’m sure I would stick by no matter what, it doesn’t mean they would do the same for me as we have different beliefs and things we can/can’t handle. I don’t think that has to mean the friendship isn’t equal..

“It appears to become problematic when situations place an emphasis for disclosure…i.e. getting engaged or getting married. The infantilized individual grapples for a decision because fears of ashamedness, rejection, abandonment and exploitation are commonly associated with past developmental struggles in childhood. It brings to surface a terrifying risk that the new partner or family member will misunderstand and take the position it is a bizarre perverted derangement and action to crush the behavior is paramount.” – Kathi Stringer

This has always been accurate concerning me and I can’t ever see myself confiding in anybody else other than my girlfriend about this. Firstly, because I don’t really see the benefit in it, but secondly because I don’t think any of my friends are ready to hear this, nor would they want to. I think that would be the limit to their friendship… Or perhaps being this open with a friend is my limit…

What are some of your limits?


FYI: My cheesy soundtrack to this post is:

Meat Loaf I would do anything for Love,

FeistLimit to your Love,

The Jackson Five – I’ll be there.

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Mummy’s side of the story (GUEST POST)

Hello, I’m Peter Rabbit’s mummy. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say!

I must confess that prior to meeting my partner (the grown up peter) I didn’t think I had a maternal bone in my body. Being around babies and children made me feel awkward, and I certainly never imagined myself changing a nappy, bathing and feeding a little one of my own.

When my partner told me about his little side, I didn’t really know what it would mean for our relationship, or quite how important it is to him.

For a long while we struggled with a lot of things. For example, I was worried about how our new roles might affect our adult relationship, especially our sex life. Would I still see him as my equal? Would I stop fancying him? I also worried that I would start to feel like an overworked mum, juggling a full time busy job and now a small child of 2.

This wasn’t what I’d signed up for when I agreed to a second date!

It certainly hasn’t been an easy ride, and we’ve had our share of problems. There have been times when I have just hoped that his urges would go away, and times when I have felt completely ridiculous and out of my depth. There have been times when I’ve felt that the only way we can maintain our adult relationship is by him ‘doing his baby stuff’ when I’m out of the house.

We kept talking about it. We still talk about it a lot. Most times Peter Rabbit comes out to play we’ll talk about it afterwards. Was I comfortable changing him? Did he like it when mummy sang him a song? Did I get anything out of it?

I started to realise just how much shame my partner felt about his little side, and finally understood that this wasn’t something he can switch on and off. It wasn’t a preference or something he just decided to be into.

I fell in love with my partner quickly, and I have learned to love Peter Rabbit over time. I’ve started to feel genuine love for this little dude who gives me eskimo kisses and loves nothing more than cuddling up to me. Peter Rabbit smells different somehow, sweeter and warmer.

I’ve started to find myself looking at books in shops and thinking ‘Peter Rabbit would love this story- he loves animals’, and planning elaborate outfits I could make him just because he would look so cute in them.

I get so much from seeing how relaxed he feels when he is little. In those moments all he needs to feel good is to be close to his mummy.  He doesn’t feel anxious or stressed or sad. And in our mummy baby time, I stop worrying about work, feeling anxious about food or what I’m doing with my life. My prime purpose is to look after Peter Rabbit, keep him fed and clean and warm. If he’s happy I’m happy.

I’m sure we’ll stumble again somewhere along our adult-baby journey, but right now I feel really good about how far we’ve come and look forward to our next play date!

Yours,

One very proud mummy xxx

That awkward moment…. when I told my girlfriend that I’m an Adult Baby. (Finding the Right Moment Part 2)

So this is the second part of a post I wrote in May about trying to find a good time to tell my girlfriend about my “AB/DL side”. I’ve mentioned a ‘bit of advice’ for telling a loved one a secret … but there’s no right or wrong for telling a partner. Everybody is different and this is just my version… I don’t want to give off the impression that I really know what I’m talking about… I’m just talking! 🙂

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(It’s a bit cringy for me to re-visit the time I told my girlfriend about my inner child so I’ve put this ‘2nd partner’ off for a while. If I could have a do-over I definitely would and my approach would be very different. But here’s the cringey jist of what followed…)

So my heart was racing after I’d said “”Well I suppose there’s something thing I’ve not been totally open about”” because that meant that I was now knee deep and had to think very carefully about what I wanted to say and the words that I wanted to use. It felt like there was no turning back..

She said “Okay…”

I said “Well…” and followed this up with silence (Nice one Peter R….Eloquently put!)

I couldn’t say “Well… I am an Adult Baby” because although this may sound pretty weak, I wasn’t ready to use those words. I’ve already expressed in my previous posts that I was, at that time, pretty ashamed and intolerant of my inner child… So those words were something I’d really have trouble with saying out loud. Also, that way of putting it seemed a bit too intense and I felt like I needed to ease her into something like this. After all our relationship was pretty fresh and I felt this was a very delicate thing to say to somebody…

I stayed silent for a another moment but made it obvious that I was searching for the right words and hadn’t just forgotten we were talking. I don’t know if the silence was worrying her, or if she could just sense I was nervous, but she waited calmly for me to say what I wanted to say.

But I really didn’t know how to say it… I was completely stuck. All my fears started to come to the surface.. What will she think?, Is this gonna be the end of our relationship?, What if she thinks I’m sick and gross?. “Not helping” I told myself and tried to get on with it…

No doubt I managed to force out something like “Ummm” (Such poetry, Peter R!)

Just when it was starting to feel like a life time, I got a flashback to a few months prior when we were walking in the park and she’d brought up the subject of adult babies and a documentary she had seen on the subject. I didn’t really say much at that time as I felt a bit awkward seeing as I *was* one, so I just listened to her talk about it.

I figured I’d use that memory as my starting point (seeing as I had no other option and had to say something). I refreshed her memory about the documentary she’d mentioned to me, luckily she remembered, and I went on to talk about how I related to the people in the documentary and I myself had this “little” side to my personality. I spoke more about the “psychological side” of it and less about the “nappy wearing, dummy sucking, bottle feeding” side of it (to the point where there was little or no mention of it at all). I shouldnt have been too embarassed to talk about it on a physical/practical sense… but alas, I was..so whaddya gonna do? Instead I just talked about how I liked to regress to a simpler time and that I identified with being a 2 year old little boy, how I used regression as a way to relax, vent, escape etc. I felt like if I could make it seem less like “I get my kicks from wearing nappies” then it would make it seem…um.. less weird I guess? I admit it.. that was a boo-boo, because it just made what I was saying too cryptic and confusing.

Even though she *seemed* to understand what I was saying and seemed fairly welcoming to it, over the next few days I replayed that conversation over in my head and came to the conclusion that I was actually so nervous that I wasn’t really clear enough, I mumbled, I danced around what I was trying to say and I tried my hardest to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal to me at all. I think she may have thought that it was just something that I thought about from time to time and not something that I actually *do* (i.e actually dress up in baby clothes and pretend to be a 2 year old boy). This was the problem with focusing too much on the psychological side and less of the physical side… Me thinks I could have done explaining it a bit more evenly.

A bit of advice to anybody who plans one day to tell somebody about their secret: If you’re going to tell somebody you love and trust, and who you know will accept you no matter what, then it’s OK to be brutally honest. Don’t speak in code, don’t mumble and try to sugar coat it – Because I was nervous to the point where I just wasn’t clear enough and I just ended up confusing us both and making it more complicated.. (in fact I probably made it sound like I had Dissociative Identity Disorder). You’re loved one will have to find out one way or another, so its better to just be honest about it when the time is right, If they’re pretty vanilla then don’t hope that they’ll just *get* what you’re trying to say without saying it. I struggle with words sometimes so if could go back I would probably write down what I wanted to say and memorise it so I could paraphrase and stay on track.. I definitely wouldn’t just dive in there (unless I had more confidence and was good with my words).

She had a few questions for me and I gave her fairly short, embarrassed mutters. If I was clearer in the first place she would have probably had more questions, and if I had the stomach to give honest and more in depth answers then she would have probably had even more and the conversation would have been easier. But she didn’t because I’d already made it hard enough for us by being really unclear, and now I was making it even harder by squirming whenever she asked me a question.. I think she was struggling to process what I had actually said.

But it wasn’t a total disaster… She told me that she *was* really interested, that she loves me and wants to find out more about it in the future. But we we’re both tired and we drifted off in each others arms.

So there I said it…I think? Hang on… What did I actually say? What just happened? I barely remember anymore.. it all happened so fast! What a pigs ear I made of it! But either way I was over the initial hump and the next time we spoke about it things would be much easier… and I’d accomplished one of my goals which was to meet somebody who I trust enough to confide in about my “little” secret. Small victory for me! 2de943e701a90fbc38c20e8377370de1

Milestone.

Say Hello to Wilbur!

He’s my new best friend.

IMG_20150709_232221He is also one of the reasons why my mummy is the best mummy in the entire world. Because she MADE HIM for me with her own two hands! How awesome is that? Mummy is SO talented and can do anything with a needle and thread. Wilbur stays with me most of the time when I’m at home and we look after each other when mummy isn’t around.

Being the youngest in my family I never really enjoyed teddy bears when I was little. I thought they were silly and childish. I think I liked to feel bigger than I actually was so that I could fit in with the rest of the family… I even have a few memories of being made fun of by my family for liking things that were too babyish for me or not masculine enough! So I naturally grew to dislike silly things like teddy bears and other kid stuff!

But now I’m bigger and Wilbur has came along, he seems to have filled the gap that I made for myself when I was little. A gap I wasnt even aware of! I never thought a teddy bear would make me feel so happy and safe (especially seeing as I never liked them!) but he does and I love him and I never want to be without him! I love Mummy even more for making him for me. I sometimes find it hard to express to Mummy how much I appreciate everything she does for me and how happy she makes me, but I think now that she sees me with Wilbur she can tell all this.

But she didnt stop at Wilbur! She also made me a brand new bib so I dont make a mess.. I already have a great blue bib with patterns which I always love to wear at dinner time… but this has taken dinner time to a whole new fun level!

IMG_20150709_231949Cute eh?

A big hurdle for me after “coming out” to my relatively vanilla girlfriend has been accepting that she really doesnt think me being an Adult Baby is that much of a big deal and that she fully accepts me no matter what. Even though she’s reassured me that she’s fine with it, from time to time it can still be difficult for me discussing it with her and even accepting that she’s being genuine. I know, I know! that says a lot my trust issues and maybe I’m not being fair, but its fairly new to me too and I’m experiencing new feelings and emotions just as she is. So kill me for finding it hard to think somebody else accepts me when I barely do myself… sheeEEEEEeesh.

BUUUT! the things mummy has made for me and the presents she has recently bought me have been a huge milestone. It hasn’t only put the biggest smile in the world on my face and made play time a million times more funner!… but its also been a symbol of how much she cares for me as her little one. I’ve started to truely accept that she’s not just humouring me or going along with this “Adult Baby” thing which *fingers crossed* might just be a phase. She’s made a concious effort to combine her own creative talents and expression with my wants/needs which has made us bond in a whole new way, not just as a parent/little, but as adult/adult. I feel that this is something that a true Mummy would do for her Little one, and my mummy has done it!. Thats just AWESOME to me. Thank you Mummy! XXXXXXXXXXX

I really hope she decides to make me more presents in the future! but I’m a greedy boy! I’ve decided I’m going to draw her a picture to say thank you! Any suggestions what I could draw?

Nighty night x