Managing regression // Feeling little at inappropriate times.

Feeling Little and wanting to regress at random, inappropriate or awkward times is a topic thats remained fairly untouched by my girlfriend and me. It’s just a hump in the road which we haven’t really came to yet (though I suspect we will). I often feel like regressing at awkward times, but I’ve managed to just ignore it or push it to the back of my head. This either makes things easier for my girlfriend, or just more convenient for the both of us. I imagine that this aspect of regression can be one of the more difficult to understand for the partner of a Little (especially if they, like my partner, are fairly new to the Little world). Sometimes regression is not a conscious decision or choice… Regression just happens to me!

But it’s true that I fairly often feel Little just at the wrong time! i.e when I’m in an adult situation and/or in a public place where I’m expected and required to think and act accordingly. For instance, we may be in a clothes shop together having an adult conversation and I’ll see an item of clothing that has a babyish quality to it, such as a pair of dungarees or a horizontally striped t-shirt. Something as simple as this could spark that regressive side of me and I’ll drift off and fantasise about mummy loudly saying to me “Aww Peter Rabbit, you’d look so adorable in these dungarees! and they’d hide your nappy so well that you don’t need to be afraid about anybody seeing it”. Or we may be out having drinks somewhere and I’ll need to use the bathroom and for no reason at all, I’ll fantasise about uncontrollably wetting myself, which would be followed by mummy exclaiming “Oh sweety! I knew I shouldn’t have let you wear your big boy underpants, lets get you to the toilet and cleaned up into a nice dry nappy, those trousers will have to go in the bin too!”.

I cant help it, alright? Those slightly odd (OK, very odd!) situations just pop into my head every now and again (Now and again? try all the time!) when we’re out in public situations. The notion of being regularly reminded that deep down I am just mummy’s little boy and need to be kept a close eye on is simply a warm and somewhat thrilling feeling for me.

Though it makes for a very nice fantasy every now and again, these can actually be quite confusing and somewhat frustrating feelings to be confronted with. Its been quite difficult for my partner and me when it comes to choosing an appropriate time to have our “special time” together. For her it’s more convenient and easier if she knows ahead of time when we’ll be having some regression time. Whereas for me, I much prefer little time just when I’m feeling Little! Which can be an inconvenience to the adult side of our relationship. After all, my girlfriend can’t exactly just say “Whenever you feel little, I’ll drop everything I’m doing along with my view/perceptions of you as an adult and I’ll take care of you”. It may work that way for many Parent/Little relationships (good for you!). But not for us.. It’s not the way we want it to be either (I secretly do haha)

But…

Although I am fully able to control my actions and behaviours as an adult *and* as a Little, I cannot however control when and what makes me actually *feel* little. Which kinda sucks at times! Because when I feel little at a bad time, it becomes a bit of a battle between the adult and the child over who gets their own way. Sometimes it really does feel like I have a split personality! I think it can be confusing and frustrating for my girlfriend too… because sometimes my inner child does get his own way (probably more likely if its been a while since I’ve had some regression time) and I let him out.. slightly out of hope that she’ll “be into it”. But I do also worry that instead she thinks “Hang on, we haven’t planned this, so why’s he all of a sudden acting so babyish when just a minute go we were discussing the living room decor? Might I add that we’re also right in the middle of Morrisons! Now is not the time!”.

Its true that it’s not fair for us to just drop everything and run home so I can be cooed over. Its a two sided street.

But all it can take for me is simply glancing over at her when she’s wearing one of her vintage dresses that she tends to wear and I’ll immediately picture us in this situation:c7f39fc63c6c8c0a814db691538c7c43

The image then just sticks with me and for the next few hours I’ll just be thinking about having some little time with mummy. The annoying thing is sometime’s I don’t even *really want* little time because I know I’d rather be doing what my adult self is doing… What’s up with that?

To be honest I don’t really know how to tackle this issue! Mainly because its not *that* much of an issue at present.. But I can predict it becoming an issue at some point. Sadly I don’t really have the answer right now….Perhaps the need for full regression would go away if just a little bit of attention was given to my inner child while we’re out and about? Or perhaps I should just learn to control that side of me a bit better? Do other Little’s have trouble managing their regression?  

Is it always unfair of me to want to regress in public? Is this always an inappropriate time? What’s even fair? I’ll leave it there for now, it’s just my train of thought


I’ll end this post on an up note and list some simple and subtle things that I’d enjoy my girlfriend/mummy to do in public to remind me that deep down I’m still just her Little Boy. Perhaps any other Mummys/Daddys/Carers reading this might find it helpful too :p

Cleaning me up. If she sees I’ve got a bit of dirt or food on my face she’ll take some baby wipes out of her hand bag and tell me to “Stand still while Mummy cleans up your face”. Followed by a thorough face wipe. If she doesn’t have any baby wipes then she’d simply wet a tissue with her tongue. Wether I’m Big or Little, Mummy still wants me to look my best 😀

Holding my hand to cross the road. If we’re about to cross a busy road she’ll tell me to “Hold Mummy’s hand while we cross”. A small gesture, but this lets me know that Mummy is always looking out for Peter Rabbit. Whether we’re inside having Little Time or out in the real world being adults. Gotsta be safe!

 Tying my shoelaces. We’re on a busy street and my girlfriend notices my shoe lace is untied. She stops me and kneels down to tie it for me in front of evvvverybody. Simple, but a great reminder that I’m too young to even attempt to tie my own laces. Embarrassing no?

Random wetness check. No matter where we are or what we’re doing. My girlfriend suddenly says “Come here Peter Rabbit, lets see if you’ve had any accidents”. She then thoroughly checks my crotch and my rear end with her hand for any wetness. All dry? Then I’m rewarded with a nice kiss on the nose. Not that I would dream of having an accident in public mind you… but mummy puts nothing past her little boy so she still likes to check

No wandering off for little Peter Rabbit. We often go for long walks either in the park or somewhere out of our way which is always fun. But if my girlfriend notices I’m wandering off a bit too far then she’d yell “Don’t go too far Peter Rabbit. I have your baby reins in my hand bag so if you run away from mummy then I’ll have to put them on you for everybody to see”. Or even better, she would put my reins on under my coat before we leave the house so she can constantly remind me that If I’m bad, my coat is coming off and she’s taking charge of the reins! That’s me told!

Ooooh I feel Little just reading that last one back to myself! Maybe a trip to myspecialharness is in order? or perhaps adult-baby-shop.eu?

mother and son

Bye for now x

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Trust issues and the negative effects of rejecting/ignoring the Little side.

I’ve been feeling fairly low the past few days. Not very low. Just a bit low. But I want to talk a tiny bit about my history of feeling this way and how my Little has been a part of this.

Its fairly standard of me go through periods of low mood which lasts for a few days or so at a time, usually for various reasons of which I wont talk about in any depth. But I will say that over the years I’ve gradually overcome a few mental health problems including anorexia, depression and acute anxiety (now only mild). In the past, before I overcame the bulk of my problems, I would find it very easy to fall into a deep black hole of depression which would last for days/weeks at a time. ‘Bi-polar’ you might say? Well some of my symptoms did match those of Bi-polar disorder, but no I’ve thankfully never been diagnosed with BPD and my low moods were often a result of my other mental health problems (Anorexia mainly).

During these dark times I was often angry, mean, irritable, bitter, probably drunk, and generally not a very nice person to be around.

There was one other factor which contributed to my low moods which I never spoke about to my therapist, my *then* girlfriend, or anybody at all for that matter. But even though I never acknowledged or discussed it, I knew that it was a factor none the less (and a big one at that). Yep you’ve guessed it, it was my inner child who I rejected, neglected, ignored and did not care for in any way. I was in a relationship at the time with a girl who, lets say, wasn’t exactly the most understanding person in the world nor was she particularly open minded. I knew that she would never understand nor accept me or my little side so I did what most people with low confidence would do: I blocked it out and tried my best to forget about my inner child. Little did I know how much damage I was actually doing to myself and those around me by neglecting such a huge inner need. Not just a “want” mind you, but a “N.E.E.D”.

By ignoring/rejecting my little one, I was depriving myself of that special kind of love and attention which I’m sure that any Little reading this will understand. And as my *little* side wasnt getting this love, I would also feel un-loved as an *adult*, and that I would/could never be loved. This in turn meant I could never trust or love another human being, or even love myself. I felt utterly alone.

However, I did once come to the realisation that enough was enough and it was time for me to make a change, so I told my ex girlfriend about the Adult Baby inside me. Sadly this was only met with borderline hostility and disgust and it was made clear that I should just forget about it. So I’m sure you can appreciate why I never really had the confidence myself to accept my little side (I mean, if this is how “open-minded” people take news like this, then I must be a reeeal freak eh?). It took a long time to recover from a blow like that and regain what little trust I initially had in people. That meant the low moods continued and my self loathing just grew and grew over time.

But thankfully, after a very long and very unhappy few years, that relationship ended. I realised much later that my lack of trust in people wasnt so much because of me, it was because of her. She gave me very valid reasons not to trust people. It was only when I moved on, met a new circle of friends and met my now girlfriend that I understood how being able to trust somebody is something they earn from you and not the other way around.

Since I have started to accept and see my little one more as a real person who needs genuine love and attention, my lows have steadilly been replaced with highs, the regularity of my bad moods has lessened, and I’m begining to know what it feels like to truely trust somebody.

But because I am an ADULT-baby, and not a BABY-baby. I have other commitments which sometimes means I *do* have to neglect my inner child from time to time. It doesnt mean I’m rejecting it completely, it just means that I have to prioritise the other side of my life. But the problem this can present is that by neglecting my little side too much, it can have a negative affect on *both* sides of my personality thus causing me to feel low i.e. I revert back to feeling “unloved” not fully accepted. Complicated stuff I know!

So its important for me to find the right balance between letting my little side express himself, and not let it get too much in the way of my adult responsibilities/relationships. It’s always hard finding this balance: either because sometimes my partner is not in the mood, or sometimes we’re busy for weeks on end, or sometimes we just prefer hanging out like a regular adult couple. I do regret letting my moods get the better of me during these periods, but it can also be very hard and I suppose that all goes with being an Adult Baby and the journey I’m on. It has its ups and it’s downs. I mean, you can’t have everything right?… well if you can, then it certainly takes a lot of figuring out.

Well that was pretty deep for a Monday! I think I need a drink :p

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The art of talking.

I’ve always had very low self esteem. Whether it’s concerns my looks/personality, weight, ability to do something considered to be “good” (ie cooking a decent meal, making a good piece of art etc), I’ve always just been a very critical judge of myself (and other people for that matter). Even though I’m happy to say I’m no where near as bad as I used to be, I haven’t gotten past this completely yet. I’m still my own worst critic.

I recently read that this is fairly common ground for a lot of “little” folk as many of us have had things happen at some point which influenced us to develop low opinions of ourselves. I know that statement isn’t necessarily true for every AB, but I’m sure there’s some truth to it. Anyway, it’s true for me so there *sticks tongue out*.

But I’ve noticed recently that when I’m fully regressed and my mummy is taking care of me, my feelings of low self esteem seem to completely disappear along with any feelings of stupidity or embarassment which I *used to* get when we’d have ‘little time’. It really is an amazing (though slightly alien) feeling for me to know I can be my true self without any negative feelings attached to it. Seeing somebody looking down to me who will not judge or silently mock me for wearing a nappy and romper whilst sucking on a dummy, but who instead truly loves me for who I am and will simply take care of me means I can truely “let go” and fully regress.

But as you may have guessed. It wasn’t like that right from the get go.

When my girlfriend and I first agreed that we’d try having some little time together with her playing the role of my mummy, I was quite naive to the fact that it wasn’t going to be easy and there was potential for it to be very awkward and there would be set backs. Instead I just thought “Awesome, Can’t wait!”. Before our first ‘attempt’, we had some awkward discussions about it, which then moved to more comfortable conversations which eventually led to us saying “well, lets give it a go”. So we gave it a go.

It wasn’t a disaster, infact it *was* awesome! For a first try you might have tipped your bonnet to us. However, the following few times were much different, more awkward and knocked my confidence a bit. This caused a few problems for us. I then realised that the first time was probably just a fluke and it would take a lot of time and practice to get beyond the initial awkardness and uncomfortable feelings.

I think one of the biggest hurdles our parent/little relationship initially faced was to do with my low self esteem. Before I shared my secret with my girlfriend, I had only experienced regression (or “little time” as we now call it) when I was alone, because nobody knew about it! This made things a lot easier for me because I had nobody to feel stupid or embarassed in front of. But once we tried having ‘little time’ as a couple, I realised that the ‘fantasy’ was very different from the reality. I had imagined that it would be so easy for the both of us, that we’d both love it and we’d go on to have the perfect mummy/little relationship. But the reality was that it was just as hard for me as it was for her. The hard part for me was mainly because I’d feel very stupid and embarssed about the whole thing and that she would think all these horrid things about me. Afterall, I am a 6ft man who from time to time acts and dresses as a 3 year old, so naturally I’m going to feel a little dumb while having a nappy change from a girl for the first time. I couldnt help but think “God, what must she be thinking?” or “She must think I’m completely insane” which really prevented us from truely connecting and getting something positive out of the experience. I think she could sense the awkwardness that radiated off me which also affected her confidence and made her doubt herself by thinking “He’s not enjoying this” or “I’m doing it all wrong” or “What does he want me to do next?” etc. Funny how that works.

The thing which helped us through this is actually really very incredibly simple, which didnt occur to me at first. I just *told* her that I felt stupid and embarassed or that she might think I was a great big weird-o. Simple ey? Needless to say she put my mind at ease and, with time, I started to feel more and more comfortable with myself.

Talking is boss. As soon as we started to focus more on our feelings and concerns, things slowly began to click. We’re not mind readers, I wish we were (that would be awesome) but we’re not. All these negative feelings I have about myself started to come out and sloowly started to disappear because she was able to understand and support me. All because I just told her that I felt silly and she replied with “I don’t think you’re silly” 🙂 This has led to me feeling a lot more confident in general too (which is great!). There were other things we’ve done and other problems we had to overcome to make it easier. But this was a key moment for me.

So my advice is just talk about it, if you feel stupid, then crack open a bottle of wine (that always helps). If you don’t talk then that tiny negative feeling will just grow and grow into something much bigger and make the whole thing worse.

cribBye for now x