Rewind 18 months or so…
It’s late one night and my girlfriend of around 6 months is over at my flat, we’re goofing around making each other laugh and generally talking nonsense when somehow we end up playing the “What would you do if…?” game which I’m sure most couples have played at some point in their ‘honeymoon’ period. I probably say something like “What would you do if you found out I wore a wig and still hadn’t told you?”.. She laughs it off and retorts with “What would you do if you found out I had false teeth?” we both laugh and do an impression of how we would kiss if we both took our hypothetical false teeth out. The game goes on and it gets funnier and more and more obscure, then all of a sudden she hits me with a very unexpected “What would you do if I told you I was an Adult Baby?”…
That silence between her jokingly asking that question and my response felt like a very long and very awkward moment. I’m sure I must have went bright red. Thankfully she didn’t notice that and we both just ended up chuckling again, but unlike all my other responses I was quite dumbstruck but managed to ramble out something daft like “uh..uhu.. Good question, I don’t actually know!” (I must’ve sounded like Butt-head)
Good question indeed. Verryyyy good question. I had an even better question though.. “What would *she* do if I told her that *I* was an Adult Baby and it wasn’t a joke”. I was obviously much too scared to ask her this at the time, mainly because 1) We’d only been seeing each other for 6 months at the time 2) I’d never been properly open about this with anybody before, how was this any different? 3) She just made a blatant (yet innocent) joke about it, as if to imply that nobody in the real world is actually an AB, and that its just something on bizarre documentaries and talk shows from the early 90’s (We’ve all seen them) or something that couples only incorporate into their “What would you do if” game and not their actual lives. So.. I just shrugged it off…Meh. Whatever.
That got me thinking quite a lot over the few days that followed – What would she do if I told her that? Would & could I ever actually tell her something like that? What If I did tell her and then she freaked out and said it was too much? What if she told all her- blah blah blaah bleurghhhh. You know where I’m going with this… Lots of questions, no answers, only fear and self-doubt.
Having said all that, the conclusion I eventually came to at that time was this: If I love her as much as I think I do, then I plan to spend a verrry long time with her (like forever), and if I keep this to myself then thats a hefty lie I’ll be living. The next questions were: Is that a lie I really wanted to live for the rest of the relationship? Answer: No. Would I have to tell her at some point? Answer: Yes. Would I be putting that off for as long as possible? Answer: Yup.