I’m in love with my new mammoth onesie from onesiesdownunder.com. I think we can all agree they do some of the best onesies out there (ones aimed at big babies that is).
I’m also sporting my super awesome reins from http://www.adultbaby-shop.de
I’m in love with my new mammoth onesie from onesiesdownunder.com. I think we can all agree they do some of the best onesies out there (ones aimed at big babies that is).
I’m also sporting my super awesome reins from http://www.adultbaby-shop.de
Disclaimer: If you read this (and my future posts for that matter) and think that I come off as some sort of selfish, spoilt and inconsiderate person who *has* to have their own way, that’s really not true, I just try to be as honest on here about myself as I can be, because what would be the point in writing the blog otherwise? This blog is for all the people who go through the same struggles that I do so if you think I’m a bad person and disagree with everything I say, then you know where the door is. I’m a human being and cannot help my thoughts, feelings and emotions. If you accept that then read on!
So where have I been all this time and why haven’t I been writing blogs anymore? well the simple answer is: Life gets in the way! Lots of things have changed over the past year! I’ve moved jobs twice, I’ve been renovating my house in my spare time, I’ve had some family troubles, and I’ve had some of my own troubles! but I’m not going into detail with any of that because surely thats not what you’re here to read about :p
Another reason I haven’t been writing is because I haven’t had a great deal to talk about in regards to my journey towards accepting myself as an adult baby over the past year. My difficulties haven’t really went away nor have the issues that this causes my relationship with my partner from time to time. However there *have* been various developments (both positive and negative) which have helped me do some serious reflecting… but generally things have taken a bit of a back seat because of everything that’s been going on in my life. I suppose I just haven’t wanted to acknowledge it over the past few months. On the plus side I’ve still been having regular little time when I get the chance but this has been done alone while my partner is at work or busy doing something else. In all honesty, this isn’t how I prefer it to be.. Because sometimes I suppose I feel like a bit of a creepy man with a dark secret hiding away from his loved one, but the fact of the matter is, this has been whats worked for us as a couple, and that’s really whats important isn’t it?. At the end of the day I’m not a creepy old man sitting in the dark wearing nappies sending crude messages to people online (no offence if you are haha), but I suppose because that’s one of the many negatives portrayals that society has of us AB/DLs, and sometimes that image rubs off on me and it’s how I see myself sometimes. If you have low self esteem like me then it makes you really susceptible to actually believing the negative things about yourself that just aren’t true.
So like I said, this is what’s worked for us in our relationship. I’ve been getting to satisfy my little needs and at the same time I’ve been able to be as transparent about it as possible without putting pressure on my partner to be involved. Please don’t say “DUHH” but this is really what I should have been working towards all along. I think finding a partner who accepts this side of me should have been enough in the first place, but me being the spoilt brat I am, I wanted all the bells and whistles of having an AB/DL relationship, which in reality just isn’t the way it works. This secret was kept inside of me for so long and I had so many dreams, fantasies, and wishes that I wanted to explore and satisfy, that when I finally found somebody to accept me I lost sight on how much she was trying to like something that really just isn’t what she wants her life to be like, and thats a lovely thing to do, but if it isn’t working then don’t try to force it, it won’t work. I’m not saying that we now keep this separate to our relationship nor am I saying my partner isn’t interest at all. Far from the truth! but what I’m saying is at the end of the day this is *my* kink and *my* lifestyle and I have been trying to take a step back and explore than before I jump the gun and try to make it *our* kink and *our* lifestyle. Hey it’s only took me 10 years to realise this, not bad eh?
One thing that has helped me recently has been joining Fetlife (BabyPeterRabbit) and getting more involved with the community. I think chatting to more people has really helped me gain confidence and realise that it’s ok to have an interest like this without my partner having to be involved. I’ve even met up with a couple of people for drinks recently which was lovely! It felt really good chatting to people (even on a vanilla level) with the knowledge that we mutually accepted each other as ab/dls. I think down the line I may broach the subject of looking for some play partners too, but thats something for the future…
Anyway I’ll stop there because I’ve got some other things I want to talk about in a future blog post and I don’t want to merge them both in to one huge essay haha.. But before I go I also wanted to repost something I watched recently. An amazing video interview with @ABDLgirl about the subject of AB/DL. I really recommend watching the full thing which you can do so if you sign up to the website for free. Otherwise you can watch the first 30 minutes here.
By for now
Long time no see everybody!
I’ve been away for a while working on various projects and just haven’t had any time to write, but I never plan to end or delete this blog because its a record of my journey as an AB/DL and I love making posts. But sometimes life gets in the way, don’t worry though I’m never disappearing completely and I regularly check in on wordpress so keep in touch 🙂 Hope to start writing more posts soon! Bye for now 🙂
Hello fellow little ones!
For those of you who didn’t read my recent post in which I said that I’d been considering telling a friend about my AB/DL side, you can find it right here. For those of you who read it and are eagerly awaiting to see how it went (shyeah), you can read about that RIIIIGHT NOW.
So for a quick recap: I’ve recently have been feeling very positive about my little side, I feel that the guilt/shame which I normally feel somewhere at the back of my mind is gradually diminishing. Even better, my general self esteem is at an all time high. Physically, I’m still not what you’d call “body confident”, but mentally I’m definitely in a better place in terms of being surer of myself, being more self-reliant, and just generally being happier. So for those reasons I decided to strike while the iron was hot and tell a close friend about my AB/DL side. My reasons for doing so are in the aforementioned blog.
Anyway I didn’t think this would happen so quickly, and to be quite honest, I wasn’t even that sure I was gonna go through with it. I mean talking about telling somebody is one thing, but actually DOING IT? That’s something else entirely. I’d been debating it for a few weeks and I weighed up the pros and cons over and over. Obviously, I mainly focused my energy on thinking about the worst case scenarios that might come from telling a friend a secret of this magnitude (apposed to the positives outcomes). I mean, who wouldn’t do that? ha.
I spoke to my girlfriend and she was pretty positive about it, certainly not negative anyway. I think it’s fair to say she knew that if I wasn’t absolutely confident this was the right decision, that I wouldn’t have even broached the idea.
Which brings me to this bombshell: Last week I did in fact tell my friend that I’m a little. How did it go? Well I’m thrilled to tell you that it was a huge success!
So how did it happen?
So for a few weeks we’d had some plans to meet up for some drinks. The plan was to meet up and get some food in the city, and then head back to her house for drinks. I figured it would be appropriate to tell her while we were in the city while we were still sober (This is a friend whom I usually get pretty drunk with). The last thing I wanted was for her to think that I only told her because I’d had a few too many to drink.
Anyway, we went for food and then for a drink. Conversation flowed pretty naturally as it always does and we discussed a few subjects which I felt were in someway relatable to what I wanted to tell her. So when she said “Everybody has something that makes them unique” I figured it was a good time to say it…. but then I completely bailed. I sat there telling myself “Now’s your chance, it’s the perfect time, tell her!” which then led to “Why aren’t you saying it? You’re about to lose the perfect opportunity and it might not come again”… it was too late though, the moment had passed and she said “I’ll go get us some drinks”.
When she got back to our table and sat down with our drinks I was already kicking myself and thinking I’d blown the chance of telling her this evening. Now it felt it would be too awkward and it would come out of norwhere… but nevertheless I was determined to tell her at the next opportunity, not matter how apt or inconvenient it was. So, for a second time, when I felt it was a good time, I said:
“Can I tell you a secret about myself that you might find a bit difficult to understand?”
“But before I tell you, I want to let you know that this is something-
She cut me off with “Oh no” and all of a sudden she seemed really nervous.
“Just let me finish” I said
I went on with “This that could change the way you see me altogether which worries me, but I’ve reached a point where I feel it’s a good time to tell you”
She honestly looked more scared than I was..
“Oh god… You’ve got cancer?”
I laughed. “No dude, if I had cancer I’d probably be telling you from the hospital”
“You’re a paedophile? You’ve murdered somebody?”
“Oh my God, your guesses are insane. It’s a big secret dude, but not THAT big”
“Sorry” she said “But I just can’t handle the anticipation, you just need to tell me”
“Okay, but I just want to quickly say tha-“
She cut me off again “Fuck. Just tell me”
Because we were in a pub I half leaned over the table to tell her discreetly so that nobody on the next table heard me.
“For as long as I remember, I’ve identified with being a little”
The second I said this, I could feel the knot in my stomach untie. I felt so relieved I almost didn’t care what her reaction was (Almost). I leaned back in anticipation and watched her face immediately light up
“Oh my GOD! really?”
“Wow! I can’t believe it”
I closed my eyes and nodded with a smirk and said “I know… I know”
“You wear nappies?” she said still smiling
“I do” I chuckled at this question because it seemed random, but actually it was probably the most obvious question for her to ask. I imagined she was just checking that I didn’t mean something else when I said that I identified as a little.
“Oh my god! You’re so cute. I love you dude. I need to give you a hug”
I got up and we hugged. I couldn’t believe how well this was going.
“Thanks for being cool. You’ve no idea how hard it was for me to tell you this”
“Of course it was hard for you, this is huge! I feel so privileged that you’d tell me that. I’ve got so many questions to ask but I’ll wait till we leave the pub”
“I’m not answering any more questions, I just told you that and its the end of it”
Her eyes widened with shock and I smiled.
“I’m joking! You can ask me anything you want”
We both laughed and changed the subject. Every now and again she’d randomly go back to it and say something like “I honestly can’t believe you’re a little” or “I feel so happy you trust me this much” which made me feel good. Later on in the evening after we got back to her place we had a huge conversation about it. She didn’t hold back when asking me questions, normally I’d feel pretty awkward about answering some of the things she asked but seeing how genuinely intrigued and enthusiastic she was about it all really boosted my confidence. She made me feel like it was such an insignificant thing and she kept saying how happy I’d made her by trusting her with such a huge and intimate secret about myself. I could tell she felt about as happy as I did that I’d confided in her.
Here’s a selection of questions that she asked me later on:
“How long into your relationship before you told ******?”
“How did you approach the subject with her?”
“Does she take care of you?”
“Does she change you?”
“Do you ‘use’ your nappies or do you just wear them?”
“What are some of the things you own?”
“Do you speak in baby talk or do you talk normally?”
“How does it work? Do you say ‘I’m going to start acting little now’ or do you just gradually regress when you feel like it? Or are you just a different person when you’re friends aren’t around?” – Believe it or not, she actually apologised for sounding stupid by asking this question, but I reassured her that it’s a good question to ask. Anyway, I could go on, but I think you get the idea of the things she asked me.
When I woke up the next day, I had a crippling hangover. Physically, I felt absolutely ROTTEN. I wanted to die the hangover was so bad. But I couldn’t help but smile because for the first time in years, I felt truly positive about my life. Something that I’ve been so ashamed of for so long which at times has made me so unhappy didn’t feel like such a big deal anymore. I now knew that my friend accepts me for exactly who I am. She’d even told me that the only thing this has changed is that it has made our friendship even stronger. A huge stress had been lifted from my shoulders. Telling her was such a relief, no hangover would beat the happiness I felt that morning.
When I first started this blog I was in a completely different place to where I am now and it’s amazing to think how far I’ve come (and also how far Mummy and me have come as a couple). I never anticipated that I’d reach a point in my life where not only would I have enough confidence to tell my girlfriend, but that I’d actually go one step further and have the faith in myself to confide in a close friend. I’m so happy that I’ve come this far. I’m actually looking forward to where the journey will go next!
Thanks for reading,
little peter rabbit x
Things have been going pretty good recently and I’ve been feeling as positive as I ever have about the direction my life is going. I suffer from low self esteem, poor self image, general dissatisfaction with myself blah blah blah… No different to your typical 28 year old haha, Though I’m sure I tend to be much harder on myself than a lot of people seem to be. But as I said, recently I’ve surprised myself with how positive I’ve been feeling lately; perhaps due to a medication I’ve recently started taking, or maybe just because the weathers been improving gradually. My confidence/self esteem etc isn’t awful at the moment, works been going really good and I’ve been feeling quite creative and productive on my days off!
What’s even more surprising is I’ve been feeling much more positive about my AB/DL side. I’ve been dipping up fairly regularly and I think this has had a positive impact too. Even on some days when I haven’t really felt like wearing a nappy I’ve still done it just to try and embrace the positive frame of mind I’ve been in where I feel no shame or urge to avoid/neglect my true self.
Now that spring is approaching, I’ve been starting to make a mental list of the things I want to do when when the weather improves and I’m feeling pretty excited about the rest of the year. I honestly feel like I’ve turned a bit of a bit of a corner on my path to self acceptance.
So this brings me to the title of this post. Yes, its true, I’ve been contemplating telling my friend about my AB/DL side. I have been thinking long and hard about this and I haven’t just woke up feeling good and impulsively decided to scream it from the hills.
While contemplating this I quizzed myself on the following questions…
Why do I want to achieve by doing this? Is there some specific benefit want to get out of telling my friend a secret like this?
The reason I want to tell my friend is because I feel that this will give me the alleviation that I need to help me move forward on my journey towards self acceptance. This something I have been living with for as long as I can remember and it’s been hard at times. I’ve felt ashamed, embarrassed, repressed, it’s hurt relationships and has added fuel to my co-existing depression. But I feel that now I’m reaching a point in my life where I no longer hate myself as much and feel much less shame about it, so I’m feel confident enough to confide in a friend that I truly trust. I hope this will strengthen my self confidence/esteem and enhance a friendship that I truly value. If nothing else, I’m sure it’ll ease a bit of that “only those weirdos on TV documentaries are adult babies” stigma that most people feel haha 😉
I’m sure many AB/DLs would agree with me when I say that one of the hardest things about being AB/DL is having to keep this secret inside and ensure that that nobody ever comes close to knowing it. It’s very hard living with a secret full stop, but one as “socially abnormal” as this tends to add that bit more weight to your shoulders. I feel that by telling somebody I trust and who I know will think nothing much of it will be a release and that weight on my shoulders may not feel so heavy. As AB/DLs, we crave the acceptance of others and fear rejection. Yet we cannot open up about this because of the social ramifications. I want to confide in somebody who I know will accept me as a friend despite my eccentricities. It’s what I need to move a step forward and feel more at peace with myself.
Is this the right person to be telling? Do I trust this person? and I mean *really trust this person* to the point where if the friendship ended, you’d still trust them to keep your secret.
Absolutely. I’ve always thought to myself “If I was gonna tell somebody, who would it be?” and this turned out to be a pretty easy question. I have plenty of friends, but I only have a handful of close friends, some of these people have been my friend since I was a small child and I know that I’ll value these friendships until I die. The amount of admiration and respect I have for these people is off the scale and I’m sure they feel the same way about me. Having said that, I still wouldn’t feel entirely comfortable with telling some of them this and it’s important to be cautious of what their reaction would be. Some people would say “If they don’t accept this then they are not your true friend”, but I don’t necessarily believe that. I believe that just because people are best friends, doesn’t mean they have the same opinions/outlook/frame of mind as you. Something like this is a really big thing that could change the way they see you for the worse, especially if you’ve known each other for decades. So there’s a friend in particular who shares everything with me, has my “Whatever floats your boat” attitude and always trusts me with their problems no matter how embarrassing and has never even needed to utter the words “Promise you wont tell anybody?”.
What about the friend though? perhaps they don’t wanna hear this kind of personal business, is it unfair to put them in this position?
It’s absolutely important to take into account that not only it this hard for me, but it could be hard for them too! But my friend is very open minded and actually enjoys conversations about taboo subjects, In fact it’s usually “The stranger the better”. To reiterate, this is a person who often confides in me in relating to her own personal relationships/sexual issues because they know that I’m somebody who will understand and not judge. This person doesn’t tend to get uncomfortable, if anything they may giggle, but I’m sure it’ll be followed with a “Wow!”
With regards to it being unfair to put somebody in this position: This is not like wanting to tell a friend that you have a scat fetish or telling them some random intimate details of your sex life. I’m not doing this simply for the reason of being an exhibitionist.
E.G I get turned on by the idea of cross dressing, but I don’t identify with being a woman, nor does it bear real significance on my life, so I’m probably not gonna go out of my way to tell my friends about it. Being an adult baby and having a little side is not a fetish like age-play or diapers may be for some; my little side is a huge aspect of my personality and makes up who I am. Yes it’s important for me to ask “Is this absolutely necessary?”, and though it’s not may not be imperative they know this about it, I feel that it’s in more ways a positive move than a negative one. It may be become awkward but to counter that, it’s also expressing a much higher level of trust that I don’t have for other friends.
What could the risks/ramifications be?
Hopefully not that bad though. I’ve tried to think of negative outcomes and though it shouldn’t be difficult to think of -oh I don’t know- A MILLION, I’m struggling to think past the obvious, but here are a couple.
I’ve weighed up most risks that I can think of and have came to the conclusion that they are just completely unlikely judging on who my friend is as a person.
I feel the main risk (and most likely to occur) is what I discussed in the previous question. However unlikely I think it may be, I am potentially putting my friend in an awkward and uncomfortable situation which they might find difficult to listen to. The idea of doing this isn’t exactly a pleasant thought and it doesn’t sound totally fair of me to put a friend in that position. However, I’m keeping in mind that my friend is a very open-minded, taboo friendly, and all around accepting person. I also happen to know that my friends typical reaction to feeling uncomfortable is just to giggle. Anyway, this is never *not* going to be awkward for at least one of us, luckily we have that ‘make fun of each other’ type friendship so don’t take things too seriously. I also feel that the fact that I am opening to my friend about a really vulnerable aspect of me, and placing a huge amount of trust in that person that they will see this an appreciate the level of honesty.
Am I prepared to accept any negativity that I might be faced with?
I’m 97% confident that I wont receive much of a negative reaction. I’m not confiding in this person to be an exhibitionist about my interests. I’m telling them because I know my friend will accept this and release some of the burden on my shoulders. Having said that, they will probably laugh and want to ask questions, which I’m fine with…. I think.
Bottom line. Telling somebody else you are an AB/DL is a huge hurdle for most (usually its no-no) but if I’m ever gonna do it, then now is the time and this is the person to tell. I just think that it was important to ask myself these questions and be as honests as I could be about the answers. I’d suggest doing the same to anybody who is contemplating telling a friend they are AB/DL. Don’t rush into a decision like this because you could regret it for a loooong time. Who knows? Maybe I might..
Thanks for reading,
little peter rabbit x
My hypothetical playlist for telling my friend (No I’m not gonna actually play this, it’s just for fun)
Queen – I want to break free
ABBA – Does your mother know?
The Ronettes – Be My Baby
Sonny and Cher – It’s the little things
QOTSA – The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret
My recent post “3 years down the line” got an in depth response in the comments section which I feel, in the spirit of this blog, deserves it’s own post and shouldn’t be hidden away in the comments section. I do sincerely appreciate the thought and effort which goes into responses like this.
“Okay… I think I may have some hard truth to drop on you. You seem to want your girlfriend to have an interest in ABDL completely on her own, apart from her love for you. That’s not realistic unless you find someone straight from the ABDL community. And if you do, that person is likely going to be focused in her own enjoyment of the fetish, not you and your desires.
In my reading of blogs, browsing of reddit, and other research I have never EVER come across someone who wanted to be a parent to a grown adult as a deep, dark desire. There are people who are maternal and feel okay with doing that. There are people who love their partner so much that they enjoy caring for them. There are people who specialize in being a mommy to get paid. There are people who were already into ABDL who like swapping parent/child roles with their partner. There are Daddy doms and women with a fetish to be in control, dominate, or otherwise be in charge sexually. But I have never come across someone who fantasized solely about being a mommy to an ABDL as a deep sexual and/or spiritual gratification. Maybe that person exists, but the odds of you finding her are astronomically low.
You say that you don’t want your girlfriend to be doing this to please you because she wants to be a good girlfriend. That is maddening! I almost want to tell you to fuck right off (excuse my language, but it really does make me angry). She loves you. She wants to make you happy. Fuck you for making her feel, even for an instant, like there’s something wrong with that. If you are going to act like she’s somehow inferior to the ideal you have in your head because her panties aren’t dripping wet to get you dressed up like a baby and change your diaper as her #1 desire in life, you should stop for a reality check.
I love my husband. That’s the only reason I even know what ABDL is. I tried things and explored them with him because it made him happy. I got pleasure out of pleasing him, more than anything else. I followed his lead, and wouldn’t have done any of what we’ve done if it hadn’t been for him. And I don’t see that as a bad thing at all. I may not have been born with ABDL desires, but I don’t think that makes me “less than.”
I like what we do, but I don’t think it would be possible for me to get an “equal” amount of enjoyment or like things exactly as much as him, no matter how much I enjoy what we do, because this was never my fetish. I didn’t grow up struggling with it. I didn’t know when I was 5 that I would want to wear diapers. I didn’t have fantasies about doing any of the things that we do. If my husband made me feel bad because of that, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy things the way that I do. I would be constantly worrying that I’m not ABDL “enough” or that I’m not what he wants because I “only” do this because I met him and fell in love.
You also say that you expect her to know what to say, how to act, what to wear, when to know how you feel, etc. Frankly, that is impossible and exhausting to even think about. If you want her to say something specific or wear something special, you need to communicate that. If you are feeling something, you need to speak up. I don’t care who you find, no one will be able to read your mind!
As far as breaks and periods without kink (or ABDL activities or whatever you want to call it), that is natural. You know that desire ebbs and wanes, even for you. Your urges are not exactly the same at all times. It is your fetish. You need to be driving the boat here. When my husband and I go through long stretches without indulging in kinky sex, I follow his lead. It’s not something I want to push, even when I miss those interactions, because being little takes a certain head space. I wait for cues from him, and I’m sure your girlfriend does the same.
You’re also really vague here about what “progress” you’re looking for. What does that mean to you? Specifically. Does she know? Do you? Is it realistic (i.e. doesn’t require mind reading, would actually be possible with your schedule, finances, lifestyle, etc.)? Have you communicated what you want and how you envision it working into your lives? You may be a little, but that doesn’t mean you don’t also have responsibilities as an adult in your relationship to communicate properly. If anything, it means you have more responsibility because this all resides in your head.
I know this might have been rough, so I apologize. You’ve read enough of my blog (I think) that you hopefully know it comes from a good place.”
My usual reaction would be to either A) defend/justify myself where appropriate B) Correct a couple of misinterpretations. C) Give some better/clearer context on some things which I talked about in the post. But I don’t think that would really be beneficial other than to make myself feel better and take some of the sting away from that grilling! It made sense to post the response here so more people can read it.
(However I will quickly state that my post wasn’t supposed to imply a focus on sex/kink etc. I may need to clarify that on the post itself! Not that it’s important right now)
Little peter x